All Saint’s Day
“You see, dear colleague, over there lie three patients of mine. How nicely adorned the graves are! It is truly a divine garden, and the bodies are the seeds. It’s a grand thought, to be the divine sower!” Context: cholera was resurgent at the time. (Fliegende Blätter, Munich, 1848)
Cholera between Volga and Dnepr
Public Health Commission: “Honorable lady! I am begging you, leave us at long last, because this rabble is going to kill me in the end.”Cholera: “It make no difference to me. It’s better for me here than it’s ever been anywhere in the world, and I can give my word of honor that I will…
Downstream from the Vistula River
“They dismiss me as a troublesome foreigner, and yet I’ve got a proper passport from friendly Russia!”(Lustige Blätter, Berlin, 1905)
Tricky question
Doctor: “Your ailment isn’t really all that dangerous — but three out of every ten people still die from it!”Patient: “Pardon, Doctor, are the three already dead?” (Fliegende Blätter, 1904)
What’s vaccination done for my little Tommy?
“I don’t ‘old with this ‘ere vaccination, Mrs. Green. What’s vaccination done for my little Tommy? Since I ‘ad ‘im done ‘e’s ‘ad whooping cough, chicken-pox, measles–in fact, everythink but small-pox!”(Punch, London, 1915)
Typhus entrances
(Only an indirect connection to pandemics, but the section of the soccer stadium reserved for those suspected of typhus speaks to the social status theme.)The respectable public: “Beast! Scoundrel! Assassin! Agrarian! Moron!”The naive spectator: “Well now, this must be that striker they say has such a reputation!”(Buen Humor, Madrid, 1931)
Unacknowledged benefactor of humankind
Merchant with newspaper: “Didya see the business, Fedor Kuzmich, about cholera going beyond that Toulon thing.”Second merchant: “Yes, kinsman, what good thing ever makes its way to us…”Yardman: “Hey, mister merchants! The newspaper types are all lying to us, because the same cholera is constantly here at our owner’s place and if it weren’t for…
Before leaving for dacha
“I’m spreading rumors that plague and anthrax are raging in the vicinity of our dacha.””What in the world for?””It’s very simple: I’ll be spared the onslaught of dacha guests!”(Razvlechenie, Moscow, 1907)
Cardinal Bazillaureus
From the pastoral letter of Cardinal Mercier in Brussels: “If God allows the germs of a contagious disease to spread among your ranks, the most glorious prospects are destroyed for the moment. Therefore, above all, place your trust in God.”(Ulk, Berlin, 1916) (How’s that for an odd bit of wartime propaganda?)
Cognac and rum
“Now I am trying a new treatment for the flu. It consists of giving them a bottle of cognac to drink in the morning and another bottle of rum in the afternoon.””And they get better?””No, sir. What they get is much happier.”(Buen Humor, Madrid, 1931) (Compare this Finnish version.)
Our doctors
“So, colleague, what have you come up with regarding cholera?””In case it appears in our city, I won’t take less than 25 rubles for a visit.””Bene; and that’s how I’ll travel around the cities.””What for, won’t there be enough patients for both of us.””It’s not that. As soon as cholera appears in the city, I’ll…
Mother province Odessa
From the newspapers: “The sale of old items at the flea market is a source of the spread of infectious diseases, yet our public health workers, these lovers of bacilli, themselves frequent the market with clean conscience and ask about the price of old clothes.”(Razvlechenie, Moscow, 1897)
Plague and its varieties
(Strekoza, St. Petersburg, 1879)(Some very unpleasant metaphors on display here.) (Auction; bank offices)This kind of plague is widely dispersed in Europe; there are not yet any remedies against it. Left: “Oh! I’m terribly afraid of plague!””We ought to send you to some kind of Vetlianka [in the Astrakhan region, where the plague outbreak originated in…
Preventive hygiene
A pickpocket (in wonder): “Where are people running?”Crowd: “Alas! Can’t you see it says above: a contagious disease reigns here.”Pickpocket: “Well, if that’s the case, then I’ll just go in, because I know the police can’t go inside.”(Telefon, Belgrade, 1883)
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Sic Transit Pestilentia 